It is often a minor detail that sets it off. In this instance, it was the noise of pages adhering to one another while I was browsing through an old book that’s been sitting too close to the window. Such is the nature of humid conditions. My pause was more extended than required, separating the pages one by one, and in that stillness, his name reappeared unprompted.
Respected individuals of his stature often possess a strange aura. You don’t actually see them very much. If seen at all, it is typically from a remote perspective, conveyed via narratives, memories, and fragmented sayings that remain hard to verify. With Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw, I feel like I know him mostly through absences. The absence of spectacle. The absence of urgency. The absence of explanation. Such silences communicate more than a multitude of words.
I once remember posing a question to someone regarding his character. It wasn't a direct or official inquiry. Just a casual question, as if I were asking about the weather. The person gave a nod and a faint smile, then remarked “Ah, Sayadaw… remarkably consistent.” That was all—no further commentary was provided. At first, I felt a little unsatisfied with the answer. Now, I recognize the perfection in that brief response.
Currently, the sun is in its mid-afternoon position. The day is filled with a muted, unexceptional light. I’m sitting on the floor instead of the chair for no real reason. Maybe I am testing a new type of physical strain today. I keep pondering the idea of being steady and the rarity of that quality. Wisdom is a frequent topic of discussion, yet steadiness seems more difficult to achieve. Wisdom can be admired from afar. Steadiness requires a presence that is maintained day in and day out.
Throughout his years, Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw endured vast shifts Political shifts, social shifts, the slow erosion and sudden rebuilding that has come to represent modern Burmese history. Yet, when individuals recall his life, they don't emphasize his perspectives or allegiances They focus on the consistency of his character. He served as a stationary reference point amidst a sea of change It is hard to grasp how he avoided rigidity while staying so firm. That balance feels almost impossible.
There is a particular moment that keeps recurring in my mind, although I am not certain the event occurred exactly as I recall. A bhikkhu slowly and methodically adjusting his traditional robes, as though he were in no hurry to go anywhere else. That person may not have been Tharmanay read more Kyaw Sayadaw himself. People are often blurred together in the landscape of memory. Nonetheless, the impression remained. The feeling of being unburdened by the demands of society.
I find myself wondering, often, what it costs to be that kind of person. Not in a theatrical way, but in the subtle daily price. Silent sacrifices that do not seem like losses to the casual eye. The dialogues that were never held. Letting misunderstandings stand. Permitting individuals to superimpose their own needs upon your image. I cannot say if he ever pondered these things. It could be that he didn't, and that may be the very heart of it.
There is a layer of dust on my hands from the paper. I clean my hands in an unthinking manner. Composing this reflection feels somewhat gratuitous, but in a good way. Not everything has to be useful. On occasion, it is sufficient simply to recognize. that certain existences leave a lasting trace. without feeling the need to explain their own existence. To me, Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw embodies that quality. A presence that is felt more deeply than it is understood, and perhaps it is meant to remain that way.